Waste of Time?

So, here we are.  l last posted on July 15, over a month ago.  Noone knows about this blog yet - I didn’t want to tell anyone yet precisely because I wasn’t sure I could sustain the momentum to keep adding to this thing.  All the usual culprits - work, family, other obligations.  But as is well known, people find a way to do the things they are passionate about.  I was, and remain, a dilettante at blogging, and I have to question whether this is really a hobby of mine if I can’t manage to keep up with it.  On a related note, time is really the enemy here.  I can’t focus on one thing at a time because of all the other things I feel I have to think about at the same time.  Blogging is an exercise in fighting away thoughts about bills, kids, school, leaky roofs, the family’s health, very ill patients, and a few other things.  So, time is the enemy, a zero-sum imperative, relentless - and you never get it back.  The most wonderful thing in the world would be to be able to just be here now, fully immersed in the moment, in flow, and just enjoy.  But, I have to catch up on paperwork, there’s bills to be looked at, I have to consider how we’re going to get the cars in for servicing without having to get a rental, and the kids’ lunches and dinners for tomorrow need to be planned.  No, I don’t do all those things myself, my wife is incredibly helpful, it’s just that all those things are ON MY MIND NOW.  Gotta go.  Maybe this blog thing is a waste of time.

Beach

Nothing to write about today, just a couple of pictures I took from a friends’ place in Daytona Beach. Clicking on the pics will expand them to an annoyingly large size. We don’t know who the people in the pictures are.

Morning Ritual

Recently, most mornings at around 6:15, I wake up to the sound of my daughter crying. I go in and pick her up from her crib - she’s already on her feet waiting and crying - and sink into the big comfy chair we have in her room. It’s dark, and quiet (once she stops crying). She wipes her tears on my shoulder or sleeve, and we just sit quietly for a couple of minutes. Then she pops up, smiling, and tries to play with my glasses, or pat my head, or say “noooo” while pinching my nose.  Recently, she’s got a lot more words to say - “baby” for her doll, “nite-nite” for her blanket, among others.  It’s almost as if we’re having a conversation.  It’s not a lot of time before we have to change her clothes and get her ready for daycare, but it’s the best way I can think of to start the morning.  Pretty soon, she’ll have other things to do in the morning instead of chatting with her dad.  Or maybe I’ll become too busy or leave too early.  I’m grateful for this morning ritual I have with my daughter.

How gas efficient do we need to be?

There’s been an interesting meme circulating the internets lately regarding the notion of how fuel efficient our cars need to be, i.e. “Do we all need to go out and buy hybrids?” So the question goes like this - what is the best thing to do to save the most gas, replace a 35mpg car with a 50 mpg car; or replace a 18mpg SUV with a 28mpg car? The answer is here, and here. All started by a paper published in Science by two people from Duke’s Fuqua School. So, for a policy implication, it may be better for American carmakers to focus on improving SUV gas mileage by modest amounts than try to convince all Americans to drive small hybrids.

Related, Megan McArdle considers whether buying a Prius is better than buying a used Corolla. I’m really digging the fact that people are talking about fuel efficiency, even if it took $4 a gallon gas to make the conversation happen.

Broken

A woman named Esmin Green, a 49 year old woman with mental illness (and children and a family), died lying on the floor of a waiting room at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, on June 18.  A lot has been said about the hospital, the callous employees, the tragedy of her death, the fact that she was black, Jamaican, immigrant and poor.  There’s a story and link to a video here.

The healthcare system is broken.  For a million reasons, it’s broken.  One of the more egregious reasons is the apathy of healthcare workers.  If I’m feeling charitable, I would call it compassion fatigue or burnout.  If not, I’d call it neglect or malice.  I’ve seen ER docs yell at “frequent fliers”, I’ve seen office receptionists snap at patients on the phone, I’ve seen pharmacists roll their eyes at elderly patients who have questions about their meds, I’ve seen nurses say to people “I can’t help you, go somewhere else”.  Healthcare workers act like they are under siege and threatened by the patients.  It’s got to stop.  If you find yourself getting irritable at the patients, stop.  If you yell at the patients, get out and don’t come back.

She died in a hospital, feet from “trained professionals”, noone to hold her hand, in God-knows-what kind of mental state.  It just makes me more tired to think about stuff like this.

Better people than me

I am ruminating about being 30 or 40-something. So naturally thoughts turn to what other people in the neighborhood of my age are doing. Here’s a couple:

Dara Torres (via kottke.org) is 41 and going to the Olympics for a fifth time.

Randy Pausch is 47 and dying of pancreatic cancer. He’s also giving inspiring last lectures (short version from Oprah here, long version here), and fully enjoying life now. I heard his lecture, and now I ask our son every day (that I remember to) “what was the best part of your day?”

Barack Obama is 47, and we all know what a good year he’s having.

Atul Gawande is 43, married with kids, a surgeon, and has been involved in health care policy for the Clinton administration. He also writes books, along with incredible articles like this and this in the New Yorker. Makes me tired just writing about him.

I’m 40, married to the best woman in the world, with two of the happiest kids I have ever met (in spite of me), a family that loves me (most of the time), and a job that I still enjoy. I am grateful to be me, here, now.

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Thomas Jefferson, in the United States Declaration of Independence, 4th July, 1776

Doctors are human, and sometimes, they suck.

I tried to refer a patient of mine (lets call this person X) to a GI practice the other day. They refused. Huh? X has chronic pancreatitis, the belly is growing day by day (ascites?), X looks terrible, and there was a CT scan that showed a possible mass in the head of the pancreas, and lesions in the hip bones. Why did these “healers” refuse X? Because they knew X from a previous hospitalization, and X “was not compliant with follow up”. Any doctor that complains about insurance companies cherry picking patients hasn’t looked across the table at the hospital doctors’ lounge. Get out of the business if you can’t grow some compassion for a truly sick person. Did I mention that X has mental illness? I called to advocate for X - twice - and they never returned my calls. So now they’re too good to call back another doctor. They suck. I hope they choke on on all the money they’re stuffing down their throats.

Obama reconsidered

Obama is meriting some reconsideration, with his recent decisions to opt out of public financing, and to support telecom immunity in the FISA bill.  I had been impressed by his rhetoric regarding change, unity, and the “Audacity of Hope”.  Something made me put aside my usual skepticism that politicians can actually care about more than obtaining and retaining power.  But I guess the system got to him.  So he’ll win because he can raise more money than God, which is just how everyone else wins.  And he’ll win because he’ll give in to corporations and their special interests, which is just how everyone else wins.  Standing up for the little guy, huh?  I can’t overstate how angry this FISA thing makes me.  Immunity for telecoms, which gives them even less incentive to treat us - their customers - with any semblance of respect.  Might as well just forward all my email directly to the NSA.  I’m voting for George Washington.

Parks, Stories and Interpretation

NPR’s All Things Considered has a series running this summer on National Parks, and today they had two pieces, one about the Everglades National Park and one about Bryce Canyon National Park.  The Bryce Canyon piece had a great story about its rock formations, as imagined in a story told by the Paiute Indians.  It’s striking how strong the human motivation to explain the natural world is, and stories like this one reinforce this strongly for me.  I’m also chuffed that the Parks Service has a job title at Bryce Canyon called “chief of interpretation” - this man did an awesome job of telling this story.  Give it a listen at the links above, and the park’s website is here.